A Body for a Buddy
by Mister Whimsy
Summary: Set after mass effect 2, it is the story of a unusual shore leave to Virmire, where the crew discover a strange prothean disk that has the power to transfer minds, EDI, curious with human behavior is in for an adventure with her new body. M for later on. ps this is my first story so be gentle.
1. Chapter 1 Prologue and Arrival

Disclaimer: This story is based in an alternate universe in Mass Effect between Mass Effect 2 and 3. When EDI's mind is transferred into a human body, with the humorous and heartwarming adventures and antics she ends up in out of curiosity and confusion.

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><p>Prologue<p>

Commander Shepard had just jumped onto the awaiting Normandy as Joker began firing at the trailing collectors with his assault rifle, with hundreds of Collectors in hot pursuit.

"Commander!" screamed Joker, the Normandy's pilot as he and Garrus lifted the bulky Shepard on to the Normandy as the door slid shut with several collectors firing on it.

"Explosion imminent, in 10... 9... 8... 7... 6... 5... 4..." EDI announced in her usual cool, synthetic, feminine, voice

"Ya, ya I got the jist of it EDI, hang on!" Interrupted Joker as he sat down in the cockpit as the ticker on the massive time bomb detonated in the center of the Collector base.

As Shepard regained his breath he cursed under his breath. He pulled off his N7 helmet which had a bullet crack on its left eye lens which luckily did not pierce the heavy duty breather mask.

"Thanks guys." said Shepard with a deep exhausted breath. The day was theirs, they had lost no one during and after the assault only a few minor flesh wounds for everyone and a sprain ankle for Kasumi.

"Let's get out of here shall we?" offered Shepard as the Normandy drifted off into the void of space with the charred remains of the base floating in the emptiness. Total victory was accomplished and with a heated argument with the Illusive man, Shepard realizing that Cerberus was an obstacle to the imminent approach and defeat of the reapers, he chose to set off as a rogue and return to citadel space.

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><p>Present Time<p>

Several days have gone by since the suicide mission against the collector base and its destruction and the annihilation of the human-reaper. The Normandy had arrived at the remote, tropical, frontier, world, Virmire where the crew would relax for a week as a well deserved shore leave. Wasting a week on the warm sunlit beaches seem to be an appropriate decision to make considering the alternative, spending a week on the bustling, noisy, and cramp, Citadel. As the Normandy touched down on the southern coast of the equatorial continent the crew quickly disembarked as the tranquil ocean waves washed over the white sand with lush steep green atolls jutting out of the horizon. Setting up umbrellas, towels and lots of sunscreen the crew began to enjoy themselves. Tali and Garrus, shortly before the suicide mission enjoyed some "quality time" in the forward battery where they consummated their feelings. They had snuck away to a nearby rock face where they spent the first day "reminding" each other of their feelings. Thane and Samara both meditated on the cliff face behind the Normandy which had landed on the beach. Kasumi, Jack, Kelly Chambers, and Daniels rested on the dorsal of the ship and worked on their tans. Kasumi who many rarely saw without her hood had long raven colored hair to her shoulders which she usually tied in a tight bun. Zaeed has spent the days fishing on the local reefs and invited Grunt, which he could not pass up because fish were considered a delicacy for large water sources and aquatic inhabitants were rare on Tuchanka due to the dry, desert, climate. The remaining crew were resting and swimming in the water while Shepard, Legion, and Mordin discovered a half submerged Prothean ruin several miles north of the Normandy. They stood at the front gate to the ruins as they stood in awe as Legion interrupted the silence.

"Shepard Commander, this unit has determined that the main chamber of the ruins is still above ocean levels."

"Yes, yes, this ruin must be of Prothean origin, my omni-tool has scanned the rocks and dated the rocks used for the structure to be 60,000 years old, excellent." said Mordin in his unique dialect with a smile and a hand on his chin.

"Well we better go find the main chamber... could have some useful weapon or some information on the Reapers." added Shepard as he stepped towards the open and decaying gate which was covered and infected with creeping vines and moss which had covered the worn sandstone pillars.

" These pillars seem to be placed in perfect alignment with the Tarsus constellation to the north east sky." added Legion as he picked up a bone.

"Mordin do you know what kind of animal or thing left that bone there?" inquired Shepard as he scratched his head in confusion.

"Scanning... This life form had a quad-strand of DNA, only Protheans are known to have a quad-strand." responded Mordin with an intrigued gaze on his face as he deactivated his Omni-tool.

Little over an hour had passed as the sun began to set down to the east, because Virmire rotated in the opposite direction compared to Earth. A while later the trio had finally cracked a complicated puzzle which included pulleys and levers to get to the main chamber which was a circular room with ten pillars surrounding the room with a skylight above the center with a still intact concentrating crystal directed all light to a center point of the room where a large pedestal stood. Where a strange black disk laid gathering dust and weeds. The disk was of simple construction it had a center disk where a set of two silver-colored handles protruded from the sides opposite of each other. in the center a bright chartreuse colored orb was centered into the disk with glowing lines which dissipated from the core.

"Mordin grab that thing and let's get back to the ship it's getting late." barked Shepard as he held his M-8 Avenger assault rifle resting on his shoulder

"Acknowledged" responded Mordin as he lifted the disk from the pedestal. "Let us get back to the ship, Commander."

After a long while the sun had gone down as the trio had finally arrived at the crew's camp on the beach to sound and beat of drums and the flare of a bonfire.

"We are back!" hollered Shepard carrying the disk in his hand as he waved it around.

The other crew looked towards him as the disk faintly glimmered in the moon light. As he drew near the center of the camp the crew saw and asked what the disk was.

"Hey Shepard, what is that?" asked Miranda as she took a sip of what appeared to be a coconut.

"Not sure." said Shepard, "I believe it is Prothean in origin."

" Mordin take this to your lab and analysis it, we only have three days left until we leave." ordered Shepard to Mordin as the other crewmembers boarded the ship's ramp for the night.

"Excellent, thought you would not allow it, well glad someone was wrong." acknowledged Mordin with an eager grin as he scurried off to his lab as everyone went off to bed.

A while later Mordin was in the lab, trying a few tests on the strange disk. One was a jolt of biotics from Samara, which actually worked. It reactivated the dormant artifact. It began to back a loud buzzing noise as it began to levitate to Samara's and Mordin's surprise.

"By the Goddess it is floating!" gasped Samara

It began to rotate as it glided out of the room along its journey out of the ship activating room after room, door after door.

"Samara, alert Shepard and the EDI, I will follow the disk, yes?"

Samara nodded in acceptance as they departed ways, Samara headed to the captain's quarters as Mordin scrambled towards the disk.

Mordin exited the ship as the disk emitted an intense glow as a massive beam of light blasted straight upward into space. Mordin noticed a Blue Sun's Shuttle in the sky, probably heading to the Terminus System. With the beam blazing in the sky, the small Blue Suns shuttle was caught in the beam, bursting in flames and debris as a small escape pod had jettisoned several thousand feet above, landing several yards from Mordin . The escape pod was charred, the artifact stopped firing as it dropped to the ground. Mordin walked up to the disk and grabbed it as he walked towards the escape pod. Mordin had a lot of explaining to do as Shepard, Joker, Samara, and Miranda ambled down the ramp. It was going to be a long night.

- To be continued


	2. Chapter 2 A New Body

The charred pod laid before Mordin, Miranda, Samara, Joker, and Shepard, who stood in front of the distinctive blue and white strips of the Blue Suns Mercenaries. Shepard slithered nearer to the pod as several valves on the air tight hatch opened. A loud aggravating hiss from the escaping air poisoned the tranquil, quiet night.

"Shepard be careful, the Blue Suns and us aren't exactly on good terms!" huffed Miranda as she drew out her pistol aiming it at the hatch.

Shepard kneeled at the hatch's holo-terminal, the glowing blue and yellow buttons flickered as Shepard proceeded to hack the console. After several more minutes of intense scything the hatch hissed as it opened.

"Samara, get your biotics ready!" ordered Miranda, acknowledging the order, Samara began to glow blue with a thick film of biotic energy.

Joker and Mordin dashed to Shepard's side as they lifted the hatch open revealing a lone casualty, a human female, resting in her seat still strapped into it. She was physically fit with the way the armor contoured to her body she had a hourglass shaped body. She had a body close to Samara's but had slightly smaller breasts and a curvier body. Her hair was a dark brunette in color which was cut barely above the shoulders which was extremely curvy. She was dead, her body seemed to have sustained no external injuries but in closer examination a five inch gash on the side of the pod had most-likely caused her to suffocate without oxygen.

"It's a mercenary, Shepard, why are Blue Suns on Virmire?" questioned Joker with a puzzled and half-asleep tone.

"I'm not sure, Joker, all I know is that she's dead." as he pulled her out of the wreckage. Several feet away he laid her down on the sand as he amble towards Joker.

" Hey, Shepard I'm gonna head to the cockpit for some shuteye, alright?."

"Alright, Joker contact Doctor Chakwas and inform her to prepare this body and store it in the morgue until we come up with a better way to dispose of the body." Shepard ordered before he was interrupted by Mordin.

"Commander, I wish to exam this body."

"Scratch that order Joker, help Mordin take the body to his lab. Samara go with him, too. Miranda, I need a full report on Blue Suns activity in this area by the morning, so get to work."

"Yes, Commander." they all said as they left to their various tasks.

With that the situation was concluded, the body was lifted by Samara's biotics and carried to the Professor's lab with Mordin eagerly scuttling behind with his hands clamped together like an overly excited child. As Samara and Mordin headed to the Professor's lab, Joker returned to the bridge where he went back to sleep and Commander Shepard went back to his quarters. As the two made it to the Professor's lab, Samara laid the body onto a empty gurney on the right corner of the lab as Mordin began to gather the necessary tools for the examination. Samara went back to her room as the transparent doors locked behind her, as Mordin began to exam the body.

"Audio Log #1, The mercenary seemed to sustained no external injures minus several cuts on her suit and face, will place medigel to afflicted wounds. The mercenary most-likely expired from the gash on the pod which vented all oxygen from the shuttle. The body seems to be completely intact, will proceed with examination 23342A, the strange Prothean disk, the body can wait."

Mordin neared the artifact which was still activated but this time a strange button was protruding from the aqua-green orb. As Mordin examined it the orb began to exhibit strange swirls of light as he pressed the button, but as he did he felt a strong, undeniable urge. He had to take a piss. The orb began to fade in color again, so Mordin suspected that it was off, subsequently he scuffled towards the restroom on the other side of the hall. He shuffled out of the room as the disk began to glow again, this time with a more prominent strength. The disk unfolded to reveal a cube-shaped crystal, swirling bluish-white light began to encapsulate the crystal as it began to hover again. The disk hissed and huffed as the crystal activated. The disk spun wildly as the room filled with a deep blue-green light. The ship began to glow dimly, electrical sparks began to dart left and right on the walls as EDI began to scream in what appeared to be pain. It was not heard in the other rooms but only in the lab where the disk blazed wildly. Her mind was being pulled out from the AI core and the ship itself as it manifested as a glowing cloud of light. The cloud of light swirled in the air as it slowly was being pulled into the mercenary's body. It began to twitch and jitter as EDI's life-force filled the body. She opened her eyes to a deep, worried gasp. She sat up on the gurney to see that she was in the merc's body. She lifted her hands to flex her fingers. The idea of small protruding grasping appendages excited her, before, she had to rely on others to gather things but now, she could do it herself. She hopped off the gurney as she shakily tried to walk only to fall and stumble back to her feet.

"Walking is hard." she whispered to herself only to gasp to hear her voice. It was more organic in nature, she still had her voice which she recognized but did not have the synthetic, and unnatural robotic after tone to her voice... she sounded pretty. She felt quite bulky, the armor was weighing her down. She sighed as she rubbed her hand through her hair, the soft, shiny, curly hair felt very appealing to her as she began to walk to the mirror. Unusual to most mercs EDI had 5 inch black heels which seemed ineffective to fighting but she enjoyed the sound of the heels clacking on the metal floor as she faced the mirror on the wall. She gazed at herself seeing her face and chest. She saw the beautiful brunette hair wash over her face as she found that her new platform as she called it, it was somewhat top heavy and bulky to the rear. But as she squeezed her cheeks against each other with her hands she felt the softness of her skin, the royally smooth and slick skin made her remember her time scanning articles on the extranet on Human physiology.

-Flashback-

During Shepard's visit to Illium to visit Liara, EDI was scanning extranet articles on human physiology, the article was "What makes a woman attractive in the eyes of a Man", like a majority of female based articles it was written and edited by a man, whom most-likely was biased in his view on what makes a woman attractive. As she read she whispered it aloud to herself in the A.I core so no one else would hear.

"A woman should have a hourglass shaped body with a large, firm posterior region, as well as breasts of modest size. The face should be smooth and slick with shiny hair of any color."

-Back-

As she looked at herself she thought to herself 'I do believe myself to be... pretty.' She then walked towards the disk and began to ponder how exactly the disk transferred her mind into this body. As she held the disk she heard the door behind her open, it was Mordin, he was humming his trademark song, a scientist salarian, when his eyes widen and his mouth became ajar while he observed EDI examining the artifact. He began to talk with a cough and a raised eyebrow.

"Excuse me who are you and what are you doing with that?", hesaid calmly but with a hint of anger.

"Professor Solus don't you recognize me? It is I, EDI"

"Curious, EDI is it? How did you get into the Merc's body?"

"I was just running updates on the Normandy's Drive core coolant systems when the ship began to glow from this." she said as she held up the artifact. "This must have activated and transferred my mind into this body, But I am not 100 percent how it happened. Perhaps pressing this button will provide an answer." As she pressed the button Mordin walked towards EDI as the orb glowed again to emit a hologram of some kind, displaying a blue humanoid figure and the disk with another pink figure on the opposite side of it, the hologram's disk glowed and swirled as the blue and pink figures' color changed which represented a mind swap. EDI looked at Mordin who had a puzzled but eager face he spoke up again as the disk deactivated.

"Interesting, it appears your consciousness has been transferred by this artifact into this body, It most defiantly some kind of mind transferring device. In the morning I'll introduce you to the crew but for now stay here, ok?"

"Very well, I will remain here, I feel as you organics call ,sleepiness, so I shall rest until the morning." responded EDI as she laid down on the gurney.

With that settled Mordin went to bed and EDI fell asleep on the gurney, it was a long night. So much happened and much explaining was needed in the morning, Mordin was to call everyone to the CIC room where the large galactic holo-map resided. EDI had a new body, the Blue Suns were, for some reason this far out of their territory and Mordin had discovered a Prothean artifact. The new arrival to the crew had herself a long explanation for the morning.


	3. Chapter 3 The Makeover

It was morning as the sun rose, revealing a brilliant shine of orange and yellow above the green atolls in the horizon as the surf began to pickup while the moons slowly disappeared below the horizon. The majority of the crew, minus EDI, were gathered in the CIC room where they had been called by Shepard, who had important news regarding EDI and the artifact which Mordin had discussed with Shepard a few moments earlier. As the crew began to speak amongst each other, Shepard walked up the podium which overlooked the galactic holo-map as he wiped off his casuals as he breathed deeply to begin.

"Good morning everyone, As you may be aware yesterday; Mordin, Legion, and myself went exploring several miles north of the landing site. Where we discovered a 60,000 year old Prothean Ruin, half-submerged in the water. After several hours of searching we discovered a Prothean disk, which previously we had no clue what it did. Later that night, the disk, according to Mordin and Samara began to float by itself and levitated as it exited the ship via the hangar's ramp. It then began to shine as a bright beam of energy escaped from the disk. It apparently hit a passing Blue Sun's shuttle which, according to Miranda, was on its way to Omega for a security shift. Unfortunately the ship was destroyed and only launched a single escape pod with a lone merc on board. Whom died on impact from to a 5 inch gash which vented the capsule's oxygen. After sending the body to Mordin's lab the disk began to glow again and activated unleashing massive amounts of delta-class energy. This reaction well... caused EDI's mind to be transferred into the dead merc's body, so ah... welcome our newest crewmember."

As he gestured to his back a door opened to reveal a figure strolling slowly out to the group. It was EDI, she was still wearing the same armor she had been wearing last night.

"Greetings, Shepard I see you have introduced me already." EDI said with a polite smile as she walked up to Kasumi and Kelly. She stood beside them as the rest of the crew had their mouths gaped open and their eyes widen. The crew began to whisper amongst each other, commenting on EDI's body, the strange disk, and the future relationship between Joker and EDI drew up a few giggles in the back. Breaking the silence Jack interrupted in her usual disrespectful tone.

"So EDI, nice body, now you can show Joker around your cockpit." which ensued a roar of laughter and a scowling look from Shepard. EDI looked puzzled, she did understand the notion that Jack was implying. She then turned to Shepard and Mordin.

"Commander, will we be able to return to Citadel space without my assistance with the ship's navigation controls?"

"Don't worry EDI, Joker's got this covered."

Kasumi interrupted with a sarcastic comment."If he isn't distracted by her, that is." which drew up a few laughs.

"So wait, you're telling me that EDI's mind got transferred into that sexy body." said Jacob as he took a sip of his coffee.

"Yes, according to hologram from disk, Protheans hoped to use this technology to transfer their minds into other life forms, this proves, problematic. The process seems to be hard to recreate. Shall continue study in case EDI wishes to change back.

"I think I prefer EDI in that new body." said crew member Donnelly with his Irish accent in his normal sexist tone as Jacob and a few other male crewmembers nodded in agreement.

"Very well will still study in case, otherwise." finished Mordin as the group dispersed to their various relaxing spots. Tali holding Garrus' arm headed to the beach with Samara, Miranda and a few others following.

Shepard was heading back down the podium while the remaining crewmembers dispersed. As he walked to the bridge he noticed EDI, Kelly, and Kasumi talking amongst each other. Kelly and Kasumi were giggling, perhaps EDI made an embarrassing comment. He then walked up to the trio and asked what so funny.

"Hey Kasumi, Kelly... what's so funny?" said Shepard with his famous charming smile.

"Nothing Shepard, EDI just asked us if we could help her out of that armor. So I'm taking EDI to my room and getting her a brand new look. We wouldn't want EDI to look bad on her date with Joker now would we?" replied Kasumi as EDI blushed and interrupted.

"I do not have intimate feelings for Jeff! All I had said was that he has well defined abdominal muscles-" EDI embarrassingly replied, although she stop when she realized her comment only made Kasumi and Kelly giggle even more as Shepard pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Kasumi stop teasing EDI and get her out of that armor. Once we leave Virmire, I'll get Miranda to get us a new Defense Intelligence, I hear the Hannibal-class ones are excellent... no offense EDI."

"None received, Shepard, will you excuse me, I do believe I am in need of a "Make over" as Kasumi suggested."

Kelly giggling and blushing the whole time finally spoke with some difficulty in the beginning as she was coughing in laughter.

"Like what Kasumi said, we are going to make EDI, the hottest girl in the whole Normandy... well besides me of course." said Kelly with a joyful sarcastic tone which Kasumi smile to.

"Well don't take long, Joker has been asking me where's EDI, I've been lying to him the whole time. He seems pretty worried about you, EDI."

EDI, with a embarrassed and curious smile looked at Shepard blushed a little and bit her lip as she turned to look at the bridge with Joker busily pressing and moving several holo-projections.

"Really? I mean, is he really that concerned with my absence?"

"Of course, EDI we all were, but not as much as him. You should go get changed and get something to eat, too. Everyone needs to eat, even you." and with that word of advice he went back to the bridge to check on Joker. The day's light was shining through brighter as morning was drawing nearer. Kasumi, Kelly and EDI shuffled into the elevator and down to the crew deck, where Kasumi's room was. As they neared the door to her room, EDI asked a question.

"Mrs. Chambers, I have an inquiry."

"What is it EDI?"

"You said earlier, before we talked to Shepard that according to your "woman's intuition", you said that I have feelings for Jeff. If that is the case, then I have not fully understood human psychology. Do you believe Jeff has similar feelings for me?"

Kelly paused a moment. "Well, he does seem to like spending alot of time with you when he could have left to do something else. Remeber that time back on Illium when Shepard was visiting Liara and he allowed us to go out and do some exploring for a bit, and Joker decided to stay here to keep you company?"

"Yes, I remember, I did not think of it as much but in hindsight I would have appriciated it more if I had a body back then, thank you."

Kasumi opened the door, the room was quiet large nearly the size of Shepard's quarters. It had a large viewing window which currently was viewing the ocean's horizon with several atolls protruding out from the water. It was beautiful, the serene seascape made EDI smile warmly as they entered the room. It had a large queen-sized bed to the left and a bar to the far right. There they saw Zaeed filling several flasks from the various colored bottles. From Human Whisky to Asari Plum Fire, which was a favorite of Jacob's which Kasumi had stoked in large amounts hoping he would walk in, Kasumi had a huge crush on him which he seemed to notice and mildly flirted with her from time to time whenever he left the armory. As they sat on a couch in front of the large viewing port Kasumi walked up to her bed and slid out a black box. She handed it to EDI as Zaeed walked by on his way out with on hand filled with a box of various liquors and the other grasping his fishing pole as he hurried off to the rocky outcrop where Grunt was waiting surprisingly patiently. As Zaeed departed from the room, EDI opened the shiny obsidian colored box to reveal a deep ocean blue party dress. It was most likely stolen during Kasumi's many heists in her past. As she lifted the dress she began to examine it much to Kasumi's and Kelly's amusement.

"EDI, come on try it on, I think it's perfect for you." encouraged Kelly as she took the empty box and placed in on the floor next to the bed.

"Very well, I shall try it on." said EDI with a polite yet puzzled grin.

Kasumi eagerly coerced EDI to a curtain to change. With her heavy armor EDI scuffled to the curtain as Kelly and Kasumi eagerly awaited. Almost forgetting, Kasumi handed EDI a pair of silver earrings with an emerald accent in the middle, as well as a silver neck collar with several ruby accents. After several minutes of the clanking of falling armor and the soft giggles of the two onlookers, EDI had finally changed into her new outfit. The dress was of a silky feel, the slick, shiny deep ocean blue color complimented her jewelry and eyes which were a light green. She stood in front of the two who's mouths were gaped wide and their eyes gazed at the image of beauty. EDI was standing before them in 5 inch black heels, she was wearing a slim party dress, a deep blue it was as deep and pronounced as the ocean behind her. The skirt was barely above her mid-thigh as she tried to adjust it downward. the dress made a subtle V-crop on her chest revealing some cleavage which EDI did not notice. Kasumi walked up to EDI and readjusted her hair to a soft bun which EDI seemed pleased with as she stared at the mirror, since the hair keep getting in her eyes and face. Kelly breaking the awkward silence spoke up.

"Wow, EDI, love the dress, you look absolutely gorgeous in that. Joker is really gonna like that, and that necklace it is so pretty, Kasumi did you steal that, too?"

"Borrowed, actually."

"Do you really believe that Jeff would prefer this outfit rather than the armor I was in?"

Of course EDI, that old armor was hideous, no offence but you do look pretty in all that, I'll ask Shepard later to get you some casuals as well, maybe some nice slacks and some T's too." said Kasumi as she stared at EDI. The three chuckled aloud as they gathered their things, Kasumi and Kelly headed to the hangar's ramp for some beach exploring while EDI headed to the bridge, it was high time that Joker see her new body.


	4. Chapter 4 Meet your new copilot

It was mid morning as EDI was walking out of the observation deck with her dress on her way to the bridge. The air around her was cool to the touch. Perhaps Engineer Adams lowered the temperature to conserve power. Heading to the elevator, she bumped into Jacob who was heading up the elevator as well.

"Excuse me, Ms. Normandy." said Jacob, politely as he pressed the panel to the crew deck.

"Ms. Normandy?" asked EDI, whom had a puzzled yet quite curious grin. " I do appreciate you calling me with proper grammar but I am not Ms. Normandy, I don't even have a real last name."

"That's why I called you that, I saw it fitting that you be called Ms. Normandy, EDI, because you were the ship not too long ago, so I though it only be proper to call you that if it is inappropriate I'll stop and tell the others to as well."

"No, no, I do feel that it is a nice name to have, seeing as I will soon need a full name now that I am human. Since Shepard is willing to pay me like everyone else, thank you." She thought to herself, 'Ms. EDI Normandy, I like it' and with that the two arrived at the crew deck where they departed ways, Jacob was heading to Kasumi's table where she was enjoying a cup of coffee, still in wearing her hood with her eyes unexposed.

While EDI headed to the bridge where Shepard and Jeff were talking amongst each other, she had a deep feeling of embarrassment, what if Jeff was laughing about her? Thinking this, she began to blush again, she was annoyed how every time she felt the pressure and anxiety when looking or thinking of Jeff she would blush. She takes a deep breath which Kasumi and Jacob and a few others in the mess saw and began to watch as she walks slowly but confidently to the bridge. The soft giggles and quiet comments in the back ground tell of how fast word get spread about EDI's and joker's relationship even if EDI denied it every time, everyone knew it was true. In the back Kasumi whispered to Jacob something which made him laugh.

"Hey our little girl's growing up so fast!"

"Hell ya, she's becoming a woman in no time." whispered the two as they chuckled quietly as they attentively watched as EDI neared the bridge. She was only several yards from Shepard and Joker. As Shepard turned around to see EDI, nervously pulling at her hair and placing her arm behind her back. Which he noticed as a obvious habit of anxiety as he motioned her to the cockpit. Which Joker noticed and turned around as he did so his eyes widen as he gazed upon EDI, but he did not know that at the time. He whispered to Shepard who told him.

"Just wait Joker, She'll tell you all you need to know." he then motioned EDI to his side where he held her hand and introduced her.

"Welcome Ms. Normandy, this is Jeff, you know him already, you will be stationed here from now on." said Shepard who's last comment made Jeff sink into his seat like a plate of melted jelly. Which made EDI giggle a little and warmly blush as they shook hands.

"Nice to meet you again, Jeff." said EDI as she placed on her now famous smile.

"Ah, Ah, glad to meet you, Ms. Nor-Normandy. you seem familiar but I can't lay my finger on it someone with your beauty I would have remembered." Joker's charming comment made EDI giggle a little as he turned to Shepard. "Will you excuse me, I have to talk to the commander?" with that she smiled and went to the other corner of the room. She attentively watched Jeff as he argued with Shepard quietly.

"Commander! Are you crazy, who is she? You know I get easily distracted, I already have my hands full with EDI and now this Ms. Normandy, what is going on?"

"Calm down, Joker, that's what I wanted to tell you, Ms. Normandy is not just your new co-pilot, or a replacement, she is EDI, take a closer look."

"EDI?"

"Yes, Jeff?"

"You have a body how is that? I mean what happ-?"

"I'll leave you alone for a bit, EDI, you can tell him what happened, right?"

"Yes, Shepard, I will inform Jeff of my current status with this new platform." said EDI as Jeff just stared at EDI in his chair, dumbfounded as Shepard left the bridge locking the door behind him. He walked up to Kasumi and Jacob and a few others who with eager eyes stared at Shepard wanting to know what happened.

"Shepard, What happened what did Jeff feel when EDI walked up to him?" asked Kelly who was standing behind Jacob.

"Ya, Shepard, what did Jeff say?" requested Jacob as Shepard raised his hands to quiet the ever growing crowd of onlookers.

"Now, now, everyone just calm down. As I had finished telling Joker of a funny story back when I was on the Citadel, EDI walked up to us. I motioned her to my side when jeff stole a glance at her. Let's just say he'll be a little distracted from now on. I ordered EDI to be Jeff's new co-pilot." That last part made everyone laugh hysterically, and awe at, seeing EDI and Jeff in the same room talking and laughing together now that EDI had a body was going to be priceless.

On the bridge, EDI had just finished explaining the whole body swap with Jeff as he began to recap.

"So, EDI, you're telling me that you were transferred into the same merc who Shepard and I found last night?"

"That is correct, Jeff. I see this new opportunity for our current working relationship to expand farther." Hearing EDI say that nearly made Jeff fall out of his seat.

"Wait, what are you saying? Are you asking that you and I shou-?"

"Yes, Jeff I do believe it is time for us to go have what humans call a " date"."

"Well, EDI, I don't know what to say, I mean I would love to, but... I don't know, it is just too soon EDI."

"Oh, I am sorry Jeff, I did not mean to make you feel uncomfortable, I-". She cut herself off as she choked in a soft sob as she turned away from him.

Joker looked at her, feeling guilty in making her cry which she had no idea she could even do so.

"EDI, no, don't cry, I-I just need to get used to your new body is all." he walks behind her and holds her shoulders with a soft gentle grasp. "Listen, maybe tonight, you and I could just go out on the beach for a bit. What do you say?"

EDI turns around, she was blushing this time and placing a hand on his shoulder. " I would like that Jeff, thank you." saying that the two hugged. As if on cue the doors unlocked and the group of onlookers behind it saw EDI and Jeff hugging as they turned to see EDI resting her soft head on Jeff's shoulders with a sweet smile on her face, her hair delicately hanging down still in its natural curly shape. A roar of awes and a chorus of giggles erupted from the group now including Garrus and Tali who both had each other in their arms. Even Zaeed, the rough, cold, mercenary felt a little smirk shine on his face as he watched them. Seeing the group looking at them he pulls away from EDI and scratches his head.

"Uh, EDI, well I should get to work now I'll talk to you later ok?

"Sure thing, Mr. Pilot man." said EDI almost in a seductive purring tone as she strutted down the ramp and high-fived Kasumi and Kelly. The group dispersed as Kelly, Kasumi, and Tali walked EDI to the mess hall, It was lunch time and EDI was getting hungry.

"EDI? Are you alright?" laughed Tali as they walked to the mess hall.

"Of course I am Tali. I just accepted a "date" with Jeff tonight." Hearing that, the two other girls awed at EDI and laughed.

Where are you two going?" asked Kelly as she pressed the elevator to the mess hall.

"We are going to the beach, just the two of us, alone, which according to my previous scans of extranet articles is key to a intimate encounter."

"wait, wait, wait, EDI, your saying that you want to have sex with Joker?"

"Yes, now that I have a body, I have began to develop these "urges" whenever I have been or thought of Jeff. Which I read need to be fulfilled occasionally."

"Well, EDI , let's just get something to eat first, then we'll talk about the birds and the bees."

"I do not quite understand, Kasumi, what does sexual intercourse have to do with avian and insectoid life forms?"

"It is an expression EDI, meet us in the mess hall, but before that, come up with a list of questions that need answering before your date, ok?"

"Very well, I shall return momentarily" said EDI as she was handed a datapad by Tali. The three other ladies headed to the food court to get lunch while EDI stood in the elevator frantically writing down every question imaginable. This was going to be a strange and enlightening lunch hour for EDI.


	5. Chapter 5 Questions left unanswered

EDI was fervently typing on her datapad in the elevator which Tali had given to her as a gift to write down any questions she had. She had just spoken with Jeff whom agreed on a date with her just a few moments ago. She was frantically typing, writing a long list of questions which Kasumi, Tali, and Kelly eagerly said they would answer so she continue to type the questions varied from what love mean to why did Kaiden slap her butt as she walked down the hall. Finally finishing her great novel of questions she stepped out of the elevator with her datapad. As she walked up to the food court with a tray, in the background all you could hear are the various cheers and catcalls from the overly enthusiastic male crew, who some definitely wanted to get to "know" EDI more. Which made Shepard annoyed and angry in the fact that a fellow crew member was being harassed, if she did not know it herself by these sick and sexually deprived men. As she walked to the chef they exchanged hearty smiles and compliments as EDI filled her tray with several of the chef's recommended dishes; hearty stewed glass squid from Thessia, roasted Salarian Fan-buck steak, and Steamed Virmire Pod crab legs, to name a few. As she lifted the heavy dish she was obviously struggling with the heavy food filled metal tray. Engineer Donnelly darted to her side and helped by taking the tray. It initially seemed to be just a friendly and polite gesture, but knowing Donnelly, Engineer Daniels, Donnelly's best friend walked up and pulled Donnelly away by his ear like a jealous wife or a disgruntled mother back to their table where a few others were sitting, giggling and laughing at the situation. Grasping her datapad in her mouth, like a dog with a bone, she used both her hands to lift the tray and stumble towards Kelly, Kasumi, and Tali who were waving her down to them. On the way the girls exchanged threatening glares at the other tables as EDI walked past them, with her hips swaying in the air due to the heels she was wearing they couldn't help but stare. As she sat down, Kelly tossed a warm biscuit at Grunt and Zaeed who were making funny faces at them and Kaiden who was all but preoccupied with EDI's fine hindquarters. As she sat down Kasumi and the two others greeted her warmly as EDI took a small bite of the Pod crab legs which she was shucking the meat out from.

"Hey EDI looks like you're drawing quite the crowd." joked Kasumi while she took a sip from her orange juice.

"Yes, I seem to be attracting the male portion of the crew. I do hope that Jeff feels the same for me."

"Don't worry EDI, I'm telling you Joker is so into you." said Kelly as she took a bite of the smoked Fan-buck sausage she had on her plate. "The way he looks at you and the soft touch when he placed his hands on your shoulders tells me that he really cares about you EDI."

"Do you really believe that Ms. Chambers?"

"Of course I do, EDI, and call me Kelly, EDI, now that you're a person instead of the ship we can drop the formalities, ok?"

"Very well Ms. Cham-, I mean Kelly."

"Soo, EDI, come up with any questions you need answering?" inquired Tali as she drank through an Emergency Induction port.

"Ya, EDI, got any mind blowing questions." said Kasumi as she took a small bite of a toasted Pyjak steak, which suprisingly tasted like fish.

"Yes I have many questions that I have to have answered before tonight."

"Alright EDI, Shoot." said Kasumi with the other two nodding in agreement.

"Very well, Question 1, I went to the bathroom earlier before heading down to the bridge and fell on the floor I felt a strange, unpleasant, feeling as I scrapped my elbow, what is this feeling?"

Tali interrupted as she finished the Turian Boca Soup and wiped her mouth during this whole time she had her mask off, she had finally adjusted to the Normandy's air so she did not require the mask, yet she would wear it around the crew except for her closest friends. She was a light violet in color, her hair was tied in a pony tail and was also a shade of purple but much darker. Her eyes glowed a soft white, due to the presence of a species of symbiotic bacteria which produced a glowing, bioluminescent pigment which helped Quarians see in the dark back on Rannoch.

"That's an easy one EDI, what you experienced was pain."

"It is not a pleasant feeling is it?" responded EDI staring at her bandaged elbow.

"Try getting a fever every time you have lunch, luckily I now have immunity from the pathogens on the ship."

"Ok, question 2, I seem to be attracting much of the Normandy's male crew's attention why is that and why do I blush a lot when I feel my heart rate increase in the presents of Jeff and other attractive males."

Kelly took over this question as she finished another bite of food she began, looking at EDI she smiled briefly and answered.

"Well, EDI, It is because you are pretty and they haven't meet a woman who is so innocent when it comes to human behavior and what you are experiencing is either arousal or embarrassment, which is nothing to be ashamed of. When you touched Jeff and talked to him what did you feel, physically?"

"I, I felt a strange feeling when I was near him, A strong warm feeling in my lower abdomen made me shake a little when was amplified when he looks at me what is this? Is this normal for humans?"

"Oh EDI." interrupted Kasumi," Of course it is, like you said, you really do need some satisfaction soon. Maybe later, Joker will assist you with that." said Kasumi as she laughed

Shrugging Kasumi's last comment she went back and looked her list, it was strange, for few minutes she was silent, she was contemplating the encounter that she could possibly have in a few short hours, her dirty mind raced as she thought of every perverted and sickening fantasy she could have with Jeff. She had never seen Jeff naked before, the thought of a possibly naked Jeff in front of her shining in the moonlight made EDI bite her lower lip and readjust her skirt as she crossed her legs. The strange warm, wet feeling she had experienced earlier was creeping up her spine again as she blushed softly. Tali seeing this interrupted EDI's train of thought by waving her three fingered hand in front of her.

"Hello, EDI, Earth to EDI?"

"Yes?" she said in a soft weary tone as she turned to Tali

"Any more questions?"

"Ah, yes, one more important question." she readjusted her hair, placing it behind her ear, " What does love mean? And who do you know someone feels the same way towards you?"

There was a slight pause, the three ladies did not know how to answer that question right away. Then Tali interrupted the brief yet endlessly awkward silence.

"Well , you all have seen me and Garrus together right? Well the way we look at each other, the way we fight alongside one another, risking our lives to defend both of us is what love is EDI, it's the feeling that you would want to spend your whole life with them, to hold them in your arms as they have with you." she takes a pause as EDI crocks her head slightly in a puzzled yet highly intrigued expression. "It's the feeling that you care so much for them and the way when you two first "bond" together showing how much you care for them. That, EDI, is what love is."

There was a longer pause the three contemplated what Tali had said and nodded in agreement as the mess hall began to disperse once more, it was getting into early afternoon and everyone was heading out to the beach for the second to last time. They were to leave Virmire tomorrow night. EDI had stood up and waved the trio farewell for now as she headed down to the Observation deck, she had a dirty little idea. She needed to somehow release some of the pleasurable urges she had accumulated in her time with Jeff. She was ready to feel, love, for the first time even if it was by herself.


	6. Chapter 6 First to feel, last to leave

The warm, wet feeling began to flow over her body as the elevator closed behind her. She was leaning on the railing, as she locked the elevator door in between the crew deck and engineering. She started thinking of Joker again, imagining him touching her as she always dreamed he would. Teasing her and caressing her soft body and inner sanctum while making her cry out in bliss. She was fantasizing about him, in her mind dreaming his handsome face as they would draw to a long passionate kiss. His well muscular toned body rubbing on top of hers pressing their two warm bodies against each other as she started to moan in soft pleasure as she started massaging her breast. The affectionate feeling she had towards Jeff only successes in making her escalate into elation, making her mouth gape wide and face blush with as she started to pull her silk, pink, panties down, slowly feeling and caressing her slit as it begged for her fingers to enter her. After some "encouragement" from her rubbing her breast she finally entered her inner sanctum. Her body was moist, the warm tight feeling of her inner walls, squeezing her fingers as she slowly pushed and pulled making her moan softly as she slowly entered into ecstasy. She was blushing a robust ginger color, as she bowed her legs and sank into the wall as she escalated. She began to thrust and heave two of her fingers as she started crying out in absolute indescribable pleasure as she started to pant and gasp breathily with her reaching climax and her eyes becoming misty as she viciously bit her lower lip and pinched her clit as she cried out a single word. "JEFF!" as she reached her climax. She was kneeling on the ground a small puddle of her own love water pooled on the ground as she panted heavily, her face auburn and her panties soaked as she shakily tried to stand up. She was smiling as she tried to regain her breath. She stood up leaning on the railing smiling, she had never felt this feeling, she was out of breath but felt so alive, she picked up her datapad and slipped on her panties as she wobbled to the Observation Deck. She opened the door to see on the couch a pair of black silk panties with a note. she read it out loud as she placed her datapad on the bed.

"EDI, I know you're going to need these sooner or later with the way you've been acting lately, so take them you might need a new pair anyway if your reading this, your friend, Kelly."

Kelly knowing a lot about human behavior must have realized that EDI was in need of self-pleasure and as a good friend she handed EDI a pair, possibly, for tonight.

She slipped off her soaked pair and exchanged them for the new black ones that were quietly resting on the seat. She felt so alive after feeling the incredible pleasure she had experienced she now realized why humans and other organics did so, so often. She finished changing and went out of the room she headed to Doctor Chakwas' office where she needed a few items from. She was quiet embarrassed by the fact that she did all that in the elevator but she soon shrugged it off as she entered the sterile lab room where Doctor Chakwas was busily typing a medical report of some kind. She looked up to see EDI staring at her with a quick breath she asked.

"Hello, EDI, what can I do for you darling?"

"Well, Doctor Chakwas, I was thinking, what sort of relationship, could I have with Jeff since he has Vrolik syndrome?"

The doctor paused a moment, she was puzzled and flustered, she was never asked this question and did not know what to say.

"Well, oh , EDI what do you mean by "sort of relationship?"

"I mean an intimate sexual relationship."

"Oh, well, ah , that is a lot more specific... well, first you might want to have some sort of soft bedding to equally distribute his weight, I guess. Then I sugest you taking the lead since he won't be able to do the motions required for sex due to his brittle bones. So... wait a moment." said Chakwas as she frantically compiled a list and a series of diagrams of various positions she deemed safe for Joker on a datapad. "Here, take it, you could use the information."

"Thank you, Doctor Chakwas." With that she walked out of the room, with the doctor puzzled and completely confused, she had just given EDI, an AI, a list of various sexual positions to use on Joker, the ship's pilot. She stood up she needed a coffee break to calm down.

EDI walked towards to elevator. It was getting dark and Jeff promised a date. She was heading to the bridge, eagerly reading and looking at the diagrams, picking a few she thought would suit her situation perfectly.


	7. Chapter 7 Showing Him What She Got

Late evening was arriving as the auburn and deep, warm, violets sparked from the setting sun as Tali headed up the hangar ramp with Garrus eagerly trailing behind. They had just finished a small walk along the beach when night began to fall. The night time predators began to call out within the jungle as the two entered the hangar with a few others straggling behind. The air felt cool, the tropical sun had finally let go of its authoritarian grasp on the planet as darkness took over. Tali held Garrus' arm as they headed to the bridge to check up on Joker. The two were some of Joker's oldest and most trusted friends on the Normandy as such, they saw it only fair that they go visit him. He had been spending the whole shore leave in the bridge only going out when he needed to go to the restroom, or to eat. After a while of light flirting and giggling, or at least the Turian equivalent to a giggle they arrived at the bridge where Joker was half asleep with a datapad in one of his hands. Tali took a closer look to see it was a suggested picture of EDI. "The little bosh'tet" she thought to herself, "he has such a thing for her". Garrus then walked up behind him and place one of his talons on Jeff's shoulder the cool reptilian claws pinched Joker's shirt whom suddenly awoke nearly falling out of his slanted leather chair as Garrus caught him.

"Easy Romeo, having a good dream, umm? asked Garrus with his infamous wise ass tone. He then with a blink of an eye clutched the datapad in his hand to Joker's dismay.

"Hey, Garrus, not funny, give it back!" cried out Joker as he flailed his arms out in a frenzy, trying to take it back.

"Easy, Joker, I just wanna see who it is... oh, Tali, would you look who it is." joked Garrus as one of his mandibles twitched in what seemed to be a grin.

"Oh, my!" yelped Tali in a sarcastic, and amused tone to her voice as she reached for the datapad. "Isn't that EDI, Garrus?" The photo was of EDI in a doggy style stance with her butt in the air with her panties exposed with a smile.

"Why yes it is, Tali, looks like it's her with only her unspeakables on, ummm."

"Hey she insisted I have this, oh man." said Joker as he stopped himself and scratched his head in embarrassment.

"Don't worry Joker, we know you like her a lot so just go ask her out already."

"No, I said it already, she's still an AI, she's still my ship, how desperate would I look like of I started dating an AI?"

The pair looked at each other, then at Joker there was a brief silence as the sound of a humming engine amplified the immense quiet feeling they were experiencing. Then Tali broke the silence as she handed back the datapad.

"Don't worry Joker, we're friends and we think it's awesome that you and EDI would go out. I was talking to her during lunch, she is craving you, Joker, and you did agree to a date with her tonight."

"Ya, I did agree but... wait what did you say, she's craving me?"

"Ya, she was asking me and Kasumi and Kelly what to do if you two were... umm... in the mood."

"Well, I appreciate the input Tali, thanks, well what do you two think of me and EDI?"

"Well Joker." said Garrus as he took a short flustered breath. " You two, would make for a absolutely adorable couple and it's been a long time coming, I believe."

"Really? You really think that Garrus?"

"Of course Joker, there is nothing to be ashamed of in loving an AI."

With that the three nodded in farewell as Garrus and Tali walked off to talk with the other crew as late evening crept in. EDI was in the elevator, thinking, of her and Jeff spending a quiet night walking along the beach like he said. The elevator opened with Tali and Garrus bumping into her. With a surprised face, Tali, spoke up.

"Hey EDI, what's up?"

"Oh, Tali, how are you?"

"Very good, Garrus and I have just finished talking with Joker."

"Oh, really?" spoke EDI with a curious and attentive glared with a small smile, crept up her face as she attentively listened. "What did he say?"

"Well, he- I mean, he had a photo... of you."

Hearing that, EDI began to blush, she remembered when she took that picture. She had quickly learned of the sexual exploitation skills Kelly had taught her earlier. She knew what to do and how to do it so she did. Which definitely got Joker's attention and got his interest and definitely increased her chances with him.

"Well, like Kelly told me, I had to "show him what I got." With that Tali giggled and Garrus smiled and shook his head in amusement.

"Well, EDI, it's getting late you should go up to the bridge, isn't your date coming up soon?"

With that the three exchanged glances as EDI walked out towards the bridge while Garrus and Tali headed down to Engineering. EDI held her datapad back hehind her as she slowly strutted up to the bridge. Her heart rate rose rapidly ass she saw Joker's muscular arms deliccatly pressing the panel as she continued she saw the photo of herself in a highly suggestive pose on his lap. She smiled knowing he had indeed enjoyed her figure. But it getting late, and she had a date that needed getting started she bit her lower lip as she tugged on Joker's collar, he turned around to see a blushing EDI, who was looking at his lap, or somewhere lower. He quickly scrambled to deactivate the photo and shakily stand as he hugged EDI, warmly. She knew it was her time, time to show Jeff... what she got.


	8. Chapter 8 Together

As they finished their hug, Joker pulled away and smiled kindly at her as he greeted EDI.

"Hey EDI, ready to go outside?"

"Of course Jeff, I have been waiting for this for a long time."

They began to walk out of the bridge towards the starboard hatch as EDI grasped Joker's hand and leaned against him while Joker placed his arm around her waist as they walked up to the hatch. This display of affection drew up a crowd as they exited the ship. A few members of the crew awed and a few laughed at Garrus' comment as he noticed EDI and Jeff heading to the rocky outcrop, that he and Tali went to and shared themselves with each other.

"Wow, knew it, Joker's heading to booty cove!" the uproar of laughter drew Shepard to the CIC room where the crowd gathered watching as Jeff and EDI skipped behind the rocks several hundred yards away from the ship.

"Hey, what's going on here it's getting late?"

Kasumi and a few others turned around to see a half-asleep Shepard walk towards them in a daze.

"Well, Shep, EDI and Jeff have snuck away for some alone time." snickered Kasumi as she turned around.

Legion turned and with a wizz of his light and a few slow flaps of his head flaps he spoke.

"Shepard-Commander, we have acquired audio and video contents of EDI's self pleasure session yesterday." with that everyone turned around to Legion who's light turned red then back to white as he was stared down by everyone.

"WHAT!" said the crew in a chorus-like fashion.

"We have acqu-" he was cut off by Shepard

"Wait, Legion, you have audio and video of EDI... huh... masturbating?"

"Yes, we acquired this when we moved through the Normandy's wiring as Geth are software and can do this during our daily scan of viruses. We noticed that the eastern elevator was stuck between the Engineering and the crew deck. After further scanning we discovered EDI was inside. She was achieving consensus as we arrived. She uttered out a single word." as he finished he placed the last part of the audio recording. " Jeff!"

There was silence for a moment then Jacob's interrupted.

"Whoa! Legion you pervert. What! You spied on EDI doing... oh... her thing... wait how does EDI even know how to... never mind."

Kelly interrupted "Well, I, I actually helped her with that."

"How?" asked all of them in a shocked and disgusted tone

"Well, I, ah, gave her a few datapads that were helpful to their relationship."

"What so you gave her info on... stuff like that? Gross!" hollered Jack

"Legion delete that shit now!" ordered Shepard pointing at Legion.

"We will not accept this order, Shepard-Commander, we find these files, appealing and her voice... beautiful."

The whole crowd was shocked they heard rumors but they never believed them to be true. Legion in love with EDI, now that's crazy.

As Shepard was about to respond he noticed EDI and Joker walking up the ramp to the hatch everyone as screamed in surprise as they raced to get out of the way. They had not realized this but a hour had passed since EDI and Joker left the ship. Time truly flies when you're having fun, and Joker and EDI were definitely having some fun. EDI was holding Jokers arm, her dress in a mess, she was sweating even though outside it was quite cool, and her hair matted and messy. She was panting, her legs bowed as Joker led her to the bridge. Everyone was shocked to see them. They obviously had a good time, especially EDI, she was smiling broadly as they headed to the bridge and locked the door behind them. The crowd roared once more in the fact that they knew EDI had just received Joker's "ship" in her "port".

Kasumi glared at Shepard and Jack, "Well Jack, you were right, Joker really did get inside EDI's cockpit." said Kasumi in a humorous and sarcastic tone which incited a chorus of giggles as the crew dispersed. It was late, night had arrived. They were leaving first thing in the morning and they needed their rest.

MEANWHILE

In the Bridge EDI was cuddling with Joker on his lap as they watched silently at the moons in the dark blue horizon. At peace with that fact that they loved each other and that when the day the Reapers arrive they will stand and face them. Together.

FIN

Thank you so much for reading this, this was my first fanfiction and I hope you enjoyed it reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it.

New Project coming soon!


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